What I have realized for 15 years

Have you ever felt so much pressure in your life that you could even wish for the end of everything including your very life? Have you ever tried shouldering all the expectations from you community? Have you ever walked in crowded streets yet you feel so alone?

Have you ever walked hard for something which belongs to the future and not from today? Have you ever dreamed of reaching your ambitions and goals in life even though the future is purely a complete mystery?

These are just but few of the things which kept troubling me all this time. I worry so much about tomorrow because of the uncertainties of the future.

I can still remember when I was still in Grade school; I had an easy life back then. I could laugh anytime. I could wander along the streets towards our school. I could play games anytime with my colleagues and I did not worry so much of anything bad could happen.

The story changed when the eagerness began to fire and bolster my passion to the pursuit of knowledge. It was in my second year in grade one when the warmth woke me up and open my eyes to the light away from the slavery of ignorance. That desire deserves to be referred to as a match which lighted my heart to the journey of seeking wisdom even at an early age.

I was never an honor student when I first grasped a formal education in our local barangay, and in fact, I even failed in my first grade. I had to repeat grade one for two years before my teacher could decide that I was ready for grade two.

I guess this failure in my early grades which I already experienced added to my esteem that I could be more than what I always know about me and I could be better than what the community sees of me.

This fueled my passion of seeking a better me and brought me to my destination – to the top of the class. From the least performing student in school, I climbed up to the peak of my success, to become the top performing student in school, coupled by my diligent hard work in study.

What doth a normal person feels after one’s success is reaped in harvest is happiness. But this yuletide did not stay long for I began to realize that I was now carrying tons of expectations from the community from which my name echoed as a competent and diligent person. Their expectations must forever be satisfied in order to maintain the image which I have founded for years in the academe.

To wear an ambition was one of my best responses to my problem.

At first I thought I would be free from stress of meeting the expectations of other people; but then, recently I realized that I only laid upon myself a heavier burden which I need to shoulder for another five long years.

I began to ask myself:

“Does wearing an ambition in life enhances one’s anxieties and fears about tomorrow or gives meaning to it?”

My name bears the image of who I was and who I am today. I grew up living to the expectations of many people. I married excellence and decided to do best in everything I endeavored. I cannot handle to bear the thoughts of failing the expectations of many persons.

June 2013, early after graduation from my college degree, Bachelor of Science in Computer Science, I immediately proceeded to enroll in the College of Law in BIT International College to pursue and attain the required academic records of the legal profession.

The future is uncertain so I must exert extra efforts to reach for my ambition in life. To live every day in fear that failure to study or to cease from substantial efforts of reading may jeopardize your dreams is, surely bearing to say that it has never been fun to maintain the expectation of the community in one’s life.

Today, 15 years since I wanted to be the most competent person in every field I touched, I realized one thing:

“I should have not raced for the destination where I wanted to be at. I missed all the fun along the way. I should have just followed my own passion.”

I am sharing this story to make others realize too.

“Do not chase your dreams. Just do what you love and success will follow you.”